it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
whose parrot is this?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
