there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
