Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
