I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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