I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
