I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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