I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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