I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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