While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
