The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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