i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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