I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
