i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When did angry sex become our thing?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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