how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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