On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do herpes really smell.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
