what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
