sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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