I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
