She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
