We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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