She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
