xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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