if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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