I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
thus making me awesome and them whores
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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