I wish you could order shots online.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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