OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
