You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
