I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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