Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
