Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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