Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
