i love accidental penises.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
