no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize