Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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