What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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