the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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