fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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