If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
