Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
