if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
