He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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