I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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