i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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