batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
