I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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