I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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