Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
