You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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