You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
