When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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