we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
