dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is classic penis vs brain.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
