my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
