Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize