he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
