Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
