I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
