our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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