you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
