I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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