It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
