I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
