I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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