tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
