I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize