How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
