He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
40s are totally the cure
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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