she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
