I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
