Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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