Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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