I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
